I don’t know what I’ll be doing this Sunday. I may be working, I may not. But if I can, I’ll be at SlutWalk SG.
Before I go any further, please read this, taken from the official website (there are many people who appear to be confused about what SlutWalk is all about, which makes many discussions/debates pointless because everyone’s talking at cross-purposes):
We seek to:
- Challenge the sentiment that it is acceptable to live in a victim-blaming society as we do, where we are taught “don’t get raped,” instead of “don’t rape.”
- Emphasize that no means no, yes means yes, and that only our words can consent for us — not our bodies or our clothes, and regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or for work.
- Fight the stereotypes and myths of sexual assault (e.g. men jumping out of bushes) and supporting a better understanding of why sexual violence happens (not limited to physical violence), supporting victims and survivors.
- Create an understanding that sexual assault affects all genders, while acknowledging the fact that it disproportionately affects women.
- Create a network of safe spaces for survivors of sexual assault to seek solace and empowerment.
- Reclaim the right to express our sexuality without fear by critically examining the value system imposed upon the word ‘slut’. One does not need to identify as a ‘slut’ to be part of SlutWalk — our ultimate goal is not to reclaim the word, instead we are reclaiming the right to express our sexuality without fear.
It is also important to emphasise that SlutWalk is not demanding that people identify as ‘sluts’, or that they show up dressed in skimpy/slutty outfits. In fact, the website also states:
SlutWalk Singapore is asking you to COME AS YOU ARE — whether in t-shirt and jeans, in fishnets, in a sari, in a jacket, or in a tudung. No matter how you visually identify, we are welcoming ALL those who feel that prevailing attitudes as to why sexual assault happens need to change. We believe in the simple concept that everyone deserves to be respected for who they are.
Comments about SlutWalk
As to be expected, SlutWalk has generated rather heated debate in Singapore, and there are many, many people who object to it for various reasons. I respect that some people have their personal reasons for not wishing to support SlutWalk, and that’s fine. No one is saying that everyone in Singapore has to participate in this event, or start promoting the message if you don’t wish to.
However, it just gets annoying when people’s opposition to SlutWalk stem from ignorance or close-mindedness, or when these people resort to hurling abuse at the organisers and supporters of SlutWalk.
I managed to extract quite a number of posts from just one thread on SlutWalk on The Online Citizens’ Facebook page, and just felt like I should put my thoughts and responses down in one place.
Ah, this old chestnut. It crops up in pretty much every civil rights campaign in Singapore that I’ve seen. I’ve blogged about this argument here, and feel that it applies to this situation too.
Organising an event such as SlutWalk (not to mention all the fringe events around it) is not easy. It takes up a lot of time, energy, money and grief. I don’t know them personally, but I can guarantee you that SlutWalk’s organisers actually do have better things to do than “copy” foreign movements just to “look cool”. For crying out loud, just look at all the abuse they’ve been getting! Do you really think they are doing this just because they haven’t got anything better to do during the weekend?
SlutWalk’s message of expressing one’s sexuality without fear and being against victim-blaming is not just “Western liberal shit”. It is also about respect for fellow human beings, and not heaping more hurt and shame on to existing pain. This is not about culture. It’s about treating a fellow human decently.
“We don’t need SlutWalk, we’re fine, we don’t have this problem.”
Really? Is there no rape in Singapore at all? Do people not judge others according to the way they choose to express their sexuality? It is not just about the law or the Women’s Charter: it is about social mindsets and how we as a community perceive or reject others.
Have you ever heard someone say, “Look at what she’s wearing! She’s just asking for trouble.” Or have you ever heard people talking about a woman who has had a number of boyfriends as if she somehow has loose morals, or is dirty? Have you ever been taught that it is up to the girl to reject sex because men are all out for only one thing and if a girl has sex with a boy she loses her “virtue”?
These things may not have been said with the specific intent of slut-shaming or victim-blaming, but they betray a prevailing mindset that women should be harshly judged for owning their sexuality. This paradigm seems to assume that men are allowed to go out there and have sex and be excused because “that’s just how they are”, while women should keep that sex drive under wraps or be labelled as trash.
Guess what? This mindset exists in Singapore. It exists everywhere, which is why women all over the world have been able to identify with the SlutWalk message.
And to prove that it exists in Singapore, take a look at some of the comments listed in this post: The Big SlutWalk Singapore Trolling Wankfest of Doom. I’ve screencapped some of the comments (see image) but the post itself is essential reading.
Thankfully, there are Singaporean men who have come forward to counter the SlutWalk-bashing slut-shaming men:
Why I support SlutWalk
In Toronto in February 2011 Constable Michael Sanguinetti, speaking at a York University safety forum, said that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimised.”
I have two objections to this:
1. The claim that the way you dress gets you raped is a gross-simplification. If that were true, what about the women who were modestly dressed – or even in burqas – who get raped? On top of that, this statement also doesn’t take in other variables, the most important being the rapist’s action of raping you.
and
2. His statement betrays a view that “sluts” (probably defined as women who wear revealing clothes or women who are visibly sexually available) deserve to get raped, so much so that you would have brought your rape upon yourself just by looking like one.
Do I wear skimpy clothes? Not usually (although I suppose that would depend on your definition of skimpy). Do I identify as a slut? No. But I do not accept that a woman’s sexual history gives us the right to dehumanise, objectify and judge her.
And at the end of the day, that is what SlutWalk is about. Support it or don’t support it; there’s no need to get your knickers in a twist.
SlutWalk Singapore
December 3, 2011
Great post, Kirsten, as usual. Would it be possible if we were to share this on our website’s Blog section at some point? – Cher / SlutWalk Singapore
Miq Nesta
December 3, 2011
But the truth of the matter is, a girl/woman gets raped regardless of what she wears. Rapists choose their victims not based on what they wear, but how easy targets they are, i.e. whether they seem physically weak or are alone. So while this event raises awareness to show that some women have had enough of the stigma, it doesn’t do anything to reduce the occurrence of rapes! As a man, I have to agree that most men do have sex on their minds, although it may be an exaggeration to say 24/7. But at the same time not all men think of violating woman on a regular basis. Rape occurs regardless of what a woman wears, and regardless of her age. Ever heard of the rape case in Clementi Woods involving a 60 year old grandmother? I highly doubt she was wearing anything slutty! Or how about that 11 year old girl raped by her grandfather?
If anything, SlutWalk should change its objectives: it should be about the empowerment of women, to change the stereotypes and stigma that their matriarchs and other women have towards them. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t agree that women may be bitchier and more condescending towards themselves as compared to men are towards them?
Also, read this article:
http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/through_rapists_eyes.htm
Miq Nesta
December 3, 2011
Edit: the post was not so much targeted at you, Kristen. More like blind followers and trolls alike who well, blindly bash a cause just because.
Miss Ho
December 3, 2011
Hi Miq Nesta,
I think you might have misunderstood the objectives of SlutWalk. In fact, we have been repeating over and over again from the beginning that women/men/transgender can be raped regardless of what they wear. In that sense, what you said is exactly the objectives of slutwalk! Hope to see you there
Kirsten
December 3, 2011
Sure, feel free!
Louis Nicholas aka Livideyez
December 4, 2011
Awesome post and I don’t really understand some of the posts made by men. I would say that we embrace all foreign gadgets like it’s the end of the world however something as simple and meaningful as SlutWalk comes by it’s being dissed by the them.
The efforts are not wasted no matter how many people turns up however it’s the goal and objective of it all. Eventually the masses would open up and think about it however in Singapore, anything to do with people’s mentality takes a longer time
Francashley
December 4, 2011
I like your post.
I personally do not like the name of the walk but it did help the walk to be known by the world quickly. The walk may be mentioned as women right activities in human history. Actually, women in Asia and Muslim countries needs this movement but the movement name has very bad side effect on the movement itself. Hopefully, the organisation creates some sections to help victims of sexual assaults or plan some education on self identification and self-protection in mind and physically.
In a lot of movements e.g. “Occupy Wall Street”, a lot of participants added in a lot of their ideas or agenda. It causes the agenda of the original movement become unclear or sidetracked.
At last, good lucks to the organiser and participants.
Vivien Lee
December 4, 2011
Okay, I personally do not support slutwalk, because I feel that it can be very hard to deny that how a women dresses can potentially influence and trigger certain reactions in men.
Of course, having said that, men definitely definitely definitely have the responsibility to keep it in their own pants. (i would bold this if i could.) While I believe very few women would purposely dress to give the wrong idea, it can be really hard to ignore the effects of their dressing.
So, in that sense, I feel that as a girl, to some extent I feel like it is my responsibility to balance expressing my own sexuality and possibly giving the wrong idea to men. But, I think the law (please correct me if i am wrong) might have failed to investigate and determine if a tempter can be at fault legally. I highly doubt there is going to be a law that governs this because it is simply too hard to prove, and law abusers can cause so many potential problems.
I would highly doubt if a girl would ever ask for such abuse, but I think sometimes we do have to take a step back from exerting our own sexuality and see if such situations can potentially be prevented if something else was done differently. And I feel that personal fashion sense is merely one of the possible factors involved.
As much it sounds really bad on words, I believe it is a two-way thing. While men definitely definitely should get prosecuted if they can’t control themselves(and women are probably not prosecuted for tempting), I believe SOMETIMES women may also play a part.
I feel that there are definitely cases where both sides can have better judgement calls on the situation. While I understand that Slutwalk emphasizes that only words can consent for us, I think sometimes other factors, can play a part in tipping the scales whether we want it or not.
(and i have only addressed the clothes part, because it seems like thats what most supporters and non-supporters are arguing about.)
I desperately hope that I am not disrespecting any victims or survivors of abuse, but I feel that there is a certain degree of truth in my little essay and it definitely does not apply to every case of sexual abuse, whether against which gender.
Vivien Lee
December 4, 2011
But I applaud the organisers of the movement. I do not think it is perfect but it definitely will help to raise awareness of such a damaging mentality in our society, and also allow us to sift out anti-social members of our society, not exactly by whether they support the event, but their views on the issues in question.
YH
December 4, 2011
Great post with very valid points. However, while I agree with the SW message, I agree with the constable’s remarks too. It’s true that rape is the fault of the rapist, but it is also true that men are stimulated by ‘slutty’ attire, thereby increasing the likelihood of rape. The constable is merely stating a fact that wearing revealing clothes increases the chances of an attack, much like wearing lots of bling increases the chances of you getting robbed. Sure, robbery is wrong, and wearing lots of bling isn’t, but the police would prefer you not being robbed then having to bring the robber to justice.
I would have supported SW more if its genesis had been different — lots of examples (say, in the Middle East) where rape is being blamed on the victim. As it is SW seems to originate from a misintepretation of a cop’s honest advice.
Kirsten
December 4, 2011
I think it’s one thing to advise caution, and another to victim-blame.
When the constable said that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimised” he appeared to be implying that if women do dress like “sluts”, they would somehow have brought the sexual assault upon themselves. I mean, he’s pretty much saying, “Don’t want to get raped? Then don’t be a slut!” which is classic victim-blaming.
Actually, what women wear don’t necessarily increase the likelihood of rape. It’s another societal mindset – this need to know what she was wearing during the attack – that betrays a level of victim-blaming. Once a woman has been raped, it really isn’t relevant what she was wearing, because her dress should never be a mitigating factor in explaining the rapist’s action, because the action cannot be explained: it is simply inacceptable.
With your example of bling: somehow we don’t seem to be as quick, as a society, to chastise someone when they get mugged and their earrings/diamond ring/jewelry get taken. We don’t go, “Well, why the heck were you wearing your diamond engagement ring, then? Why were you wearing those earrings in the first place, you should have just kept them at home! If you don’t want to be robbed, don’t put your jewelry on.”
Kirsten
December 4, 2011
I think it should be the woman’s choice, to dress in a way that she is comfortable with. Of course, this level of comfort varies from woman to woman – I remember when I was a teenager I never wanted to wear shorts, and always went for jeans, not because I was afraid of an attack but because I didn’t like how my legs looked (haha!) And there’s nothing wrong with that either – SlutWalk doesn’t demand that all women can dress in next to nothing. It’s just saying that even if you DO dress in next to nothing, it doesn’t automatically become YOUR fault that you got raped, because ultimately the action lies with the rapist, and not the victim.
citygal
December 4, 2011
YH: The message of SlutWalk I believe is this: rape is wrong, no matter what. Simple as that. I see from your profile pic you’re a guy. Would YOU rape someone just because she was wearing revealing clothing? Of course not, because you have morals. And that is what it is: Rape is wrong, no matter what. Wearing revealing clothing does not invite rape. It is a stereotype that people have that is actually not true. That is the message: stop blaming the victim for rape.
Francashley
December 4, 2011
A woman who is drunk, alone at night or smiling doesn’t mean she is “available” for sexual assault.
Vivien Lee
December 5, 2011
Yes, I am glad that SlutWalk does not demand that as this idea is rather prevalent out there among supporters and non-supporters, especially overseas, not to mention, the misleading name too. I just do not support it because I feel that there is a tendency to get rather one-sided and blame it all on the men instead, disregarding any psychological effects of dressing in certain ways, which cannot be, and should not be legally prosecuted.
I do not disagree with your last sentence. Because that ability to control oneself, differentiates us from mere animals who can hump every available item. However, I do feel that it can pretty much be a two-way thing sometimes.
And somehow, I personally do not feel the societal need to know what the victim was wearing, because rape/sexual abuse is just plain wrong and sick. I just think sometimes it may be because there is a trigger, whether by fashion sense or by misleading actions. I would think most cases of sexual abuse would not start this way but I believe there are some isolated examples, which we also must acknowledge, and reflect upon it in a non-victim-blaming kind of manner.
Perhaps in a simpler way, I would say for this issue, SOMETIMES, there were two hands to clap, and of course, one may be unintentional, and the other may be due to a loss of self-control.
SP
December 5, 2011
Nice to see men like Hadi and Seow speaking up. It was looking real bad for local guys for a long while (despite knowing not all of them are like that, I haven’t seen them till now). And you, too, of course, for a well-articulated and thought out post, as usual.
SlutWalk Singapore
December 27, 2011
We’re going to put up the post this week. Would you be able to email us a short bio (200 words and below) of yourself as an accompaniment to the article? slutwalksg@gmail.com, thanks!