Domestic helpers are people, not robots.

By On November 1, 2011 · 17 Comments · In Civil Rights, Singapore

‘Comments about maids by employers in Singapore‘ is a blog where employers post entries about the domestic helpers (a.k.a. maids) they have dismissed. It is one of the most disturbing and sickening blogs I have read in a long time, and I’m saying this as a person who recently got linked to this site (NSFW) by a friend who thought it would be funny for those images to be burned on to my retinas.

In the blog, the full names, nationalities, addresses, descriptions and Work Pass numbers of the domestic helpers are listed. Some of the posts even have photographs attached to them, so that it will be easier for prospective employers to track the “defective” maid and stay away from her.

In other words, it’s like CNET, only not for electronics and machines, but for human beings. It’s like a human meat market, where people are bought and returned and complained about, as if they are just there to serve, and have no individual qualities or personalities or emotions in themselves.

As one anonymous commenter on the blog says,

i’d put my money on them japanese research on robots. The minute those ‘domestic bots’ are out on sale, i’d be the first in line to get myself one!

Which, I think, gives you a rough idea of how domestic helpers are perceived.

Since domestic helpers aren't supposed to get pregnant while in Singapore, I would have thought that it's a good thing she has birth control pills...

While there are valid issues raised in certain posts (although they too are raised with overtones of master/servant dynamics, and the term “stupid maid” is used far too often) such as stealing, some of the reasons given for dismissing helpers include a helper taking a day off and owning birth control pills:

She had no off for 6 mths but after working 4 mths she went out and i caught her red handed then she pleaded with us and we forgave her. But she never change and even accuse my daughter of stealing her $10.But i know my daughter won’t do that. No one knows your children better than you do.She did a lot of mistakes but we still forgave her.Last mth we send her back because that day nobody at home so I checked her clothes drawer and found birth control pills and checked that her hand phone got love smses.

“Faking” a seizure, sowing discord between the mother and daughter-in-law and apparently causing the mother-in-law to be almost knocked down by a bus (even though she wasn’t actually there):

She feigned seizure on me just right before bb’s dinner time!…and why? all because I ask her to explain to me why she put a pail soaked full of her dirty laundry on the stool for her to sit on when doing laundry. …

Then a few mins later, she did her show for me. I nearly fell with bb in sling trying to catch her in case she knocked her head on the kitchen sink and cabinets. V furious with her cos at that pt when i came in contact with her she was perfectly warm, face and lips were not pale and her pulse was at 70/min!!! PERFECTLY normal!!

I nearly called for ambulance. on hindsight i’m glad i din cos it would have cost me a lot of $$. in the end i called the agent and told her what happened and sent the maid straight back to the agent within 1 hr!

As a result of this episode, my mum nearly got knocked down by a bus on her way to my plc upon hearing that something had happened. …

I have left her with the agent and let the agent handle her for now. I really do not want to see this ungrateful person in my home at all!! In fact i have told the agent that she cannot go home without paying back all the outstanding loan. if she wants to go home, all the more I will not let her. i want her to be responsible for the shit she had created.

Because of her my relationship with my MiL turned quite sour, as a result, i had to quit my job to stay home. not only that, recently i got told off by a self righteous expat to “F**king learn my manners” in NTUC for telling my stupid maid to be careful with the trolley…and she NEVER EVEN apologised to me. She took my MiL’s Hp w/o permission, left the hse to throw rubbish w/o informing us, walked in and out of our rooms w/o knocking, go throw our CD collections and took them out while we were not at home, argued with my husband over the way she washed the rice, and best of all, NEVER EVER answer us or speak to us properly and NEVER EVER apologies for the things she did wrongly.

And, shockingly, using black magic to curse a baby?

…baby has unknown tumour and despite operated for almost 2 months, lab test in 2 hospital, the biospy result is still unknown histo. Went to church and even a Malay taxi driver who claimed he has healing power, told me baby is under a curse. Infact, The malay taxi driver told me it is done by the maid half year ago, which match the time frame. So it is very likely she place black magic on the baby too!

I understand that it is not easy to have a stranger in your home. I understand that there are concerns, and that there are employees who steal, cheat or lie. And yes, if a helper steals, then they have to face the consequences, just like every other person who commits such a crime.

But then again, there are plenty of agencies and employers who steal, cheat and lie (and much more besides). Yet they don’t face the same generalisations, scorn and discrimination as helpers do.

The postings on this blog are all a reflection of a section of Singaporean employers. (I always hope that it is a small section, although I have seen enough comments and heard enough stories to not be very hopeful about that.) It’s a mindset that is simultaneously disgusting, depressing and worrying; a sense that Singaporeans really do see domestic helpers as less-than-human, or at least humans-who-are-not-as-equal.

As if $300 a month with no days off (rule #27 in this scary list) is all it takes for us to own a person, and begin to dictate her life. (And don’t tell me about that $5000 security bond – it is not true that employers forfeit their bond should the helper fall pregnant during her time in Singapore, just read this very comprehensive piece by Stephanie Chok.)

Just read through these posts I have quoted and the messages on the blog. Is this the right attitude to have towards another human being, even if they are under our employ?

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  • Sheng

    You are a great young lady with compassion. Our overly materialistic society lacks that.

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  • http://kixes.wordpress.com Kirsten

    Thank you!

  • http://missgelai.wordpress.com missgelai

    It breaks my heart everytime I visit that blog. </3

  • jocelyn

    what was really scary was that there were so many grateful readers who actually thanked the lady for her fascist list and were totally OK with doing the same thing with their helpers! what kind of people have Singaporeans become? How can they be so threatened and petrified of treating helpers fairly but firmly and above all, as fellow human beings?

  • Seek and Yee Shall Find!

    My wife said, they are not robots, but SLAVES!

  • http://kixes.wordpress.com Kirsten

    I agree! It boggles my mind that these people are not criticised and scorned for their behaviour and treatment, but thanked and praised, and their advice taken to heart and shared as if this is the right way to treat other people!

    It’s terrible that there are people who think that with their $300 a month they are so entitled to own a person.

  • C

    Just because you hire someone to be your housekeeper does not mean you own them. The person who went through their employee’s drawers and cell phone is violating the housekeeper’s privacy rights. Singaporeans need a lesson in how to treat their housekeepers. Getting off days is a basic human right. Would YOU like to work day in, day out with no breaks? It’s not only physically exhausting but mentally and emotionally as well. Singaporeans also need to learn that housekeepers are HUMAN BEINGS. They work to earn a living just like a shop keeper or an office worker or a bartender. Being a housekeeper does not automatically make them inferior to you. It’s a job just like being a florist, doctor, lawyer etc.

    Notice how I use the word “housekeeper” and not “maid”? It all starts with the labels; the label “maid” is demeaning. Personally, I don’t think it should be used. You might as well say “this is my slave.” To those people who think their HOUSEKEEPERS and NANNIES are nothing more than property, sort out your priorities.

    As for that Obedient Wives Club blog, it’s sick and insulting.

  • http://kixes.wordpress.com Kirsten

    I believe that the Obedient Wives Club blog isn’t actually the official blog of the Obedient Wives Club, it’s some sort of spoof blog. But yes, still kind of sick.

    I don’t understand people who are against giving their domestic helpers a day off. As you said, it is obvious that human beings need to have days off and breaks for rest. It doesn’t make sense to me that they would work these helpers to the bone, and then leave their precious little children to these overworked helpers and expect the highest standard of care. Helpers are people, not tireless robots.

  • http://thenakedlistener.wordpress.com thenakedlistener

    I would go one step further to your headline and say, “Domestic helpers are employees, not chattel.”

    Those two blogs/websites you mentioned are in fact making highly defamatory statements and it’s quite easy to hold them liable for defamation. In fact, their presentations of names and identifiable details of their object of defamation puts the actions into both libel (permanent form) and slander (transient form) – which I have to say is no mean feat. In the courtroom, I would argue both blogs are engaged in concerted VILIFICATION – but then again, I’m not a practising lawyer, no?

    You might be interested to know that defamation in Singapore is statutorised as a CRIMINAL offence under Chapter XXI of the Penal Code of Singapore – making defamation in line with most civil-law jurisdictions rather than common-law jurisdictions.

    (The United Kingdom abolished criminal libel on 12 January 2010 by Section 73 of the Coroners and Justice Act 2009, so defamation is now a TORT in the UK.)

    A well-trained, properly briefed counsel could argue defamation in Singapore could also be criminal intimidation, insult and annoyance under Chapter XXII of said Penal Code. Then again, I’m not a Singapore lawyer, no?

    We could go even one step further with this defamation business and say those two blogs presents prima facie indication of attempts to commit offences punishable under the Singapore Penal Code by reason of Chapter XXIII of said Code. Again, I’m not a practising or Singapore lawyer, no?

    Just my twopence worth of legal prognostications.

  • http://www.singaporeactually.com bookjunkie

    I haven’t even visited that blog yet and I am already cringing in expectation of the awfulness. There is some kind of sickness in our society. I always feel that maid/nanny/house cleaner/helper is just another occupation and they should be treated and thought of as an employee (the difference being is that this employee lives in the home). It’s nauseating that some treat their maids not like employees but like slaves. In the office I have felt like a modern day slave, but nothing compared to what maids have to go through and for a pittance of the pay.

  • http://whatsaysyou.wordpress.com whatsaysyou

    Kirsten, thanks for this eye-opening blog. It is sad but true that some people have the gall to treat their maids like slaves or worse use them as punching bags. Maids are there to help with household chores not to be used as some robot who can do every single job under the roof. Yes, it makes my blood boil that some employers are very against giving the maids a day off. Maids have their limits and again, they are not robots who do everything under the sun 24-7.

  • Gweipo

    I have blogged endlessly on this issue, all I can say is that Singapoeans get the FDHs they deserve.

  • Crystal

    Oh.

    My.

    God.

    I thought I’d seen it all when I read the blog with the rules for the maids, but this takes the cake.

    I am not a perfect employer. B is not a perfect employee. We have disagreements, misunderstandings, and frustration on both sides at times.

    But I never lose sight of the fact that she is a mother who left her own daughter to take care of mine, who loves my girls completely, and who works very hard for our family. We do our best to do right by her by paying a fair wage, giving a weekly day off, and by compensating her for additional responsibilities (such as working a few hours on Sundays these first few weeks that the new baby joined our home).

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  • keshiakoh

    Hi, to the author.

    All i can say is, I used to be like you.i used to think that all bad employers were just inhuman. Until I got myself a maid and started getting problems. Then I started feeling guilty because I thought I was a horrible human being. But too many things happened and even my husband, who normally does not interfere with the maids, also started getting an inkling that something was amiss. I will spare youths full details but there are somethings I should recount for the benefit of your readers, even if most of them are pro-maid.

    I first got myself a maid when I was 7mths preg with my second daughter. She was a transfer maid who had been transferred 3 times prior to me. I was urgently in need of a maid before I was due and I thought at least for 1mth plus I could train her. The agent explained that although she was transferred 3 times, it wasn’t her fault… Blah blah… So we decided to give her a shot. I thought since she had gone through all that rejection, she would be motivated to work harder, thinking that I would be the model employer. I tried. She was dirty, unhygienic, she put my first daughter through a lot of pain, she pinched my daughter when I wasn’t looking but pretended in front of me that my daughter was very wilful and she was sad my girl wouldn’t listen to her. After baby was born, things got worse. I have to say, my entire confinement was filled with anger, disappointment and utter stress, so much so I almost had post natal depression, I would cry every night,ncould never feel happy, always had thoughts of killing myself and baby. And indeed how my body has suffered now from that.

    Then one fine day, I had a bad feeling that compelled me to read her diary when she wasn’t around. I found out she had been writing my danger and husband’s names in her book. As I’m Chinese Muslim, I can read slightly what she wrote but I didn’t understand. I didn’t think much of it. Only towards the later stage, I began to wonder. Wonder why she had my husband’s name in it, even my father in law’s name. How come my name never appears? Still, I let it slip. I thought she was slow because she was from the kampung, and she was a fresh maid. She prayed 5 times a day and never had a temper. So I let it go.

    So many things happened, I only had her for close to 3 months and things got so bad. She started to intentionally push my hot buttons to make me flare up at her in front of my in laws, and my parents just to gain sympathy. She would complain to my mum I starved her and she had tummy aches even though I have food on the stove, she refused to heat it up. And after that, she started to live a “happy family fantasy” with my husband and daughter. The day I immediately sent her back was the day she tried to use my husband against me, when he left for work, he told me to go watch her get my 1st girl ready for school. I went out and told her off and I was already being very lenient because I sat beside her, every weekday morning for 2months coaching her patiently. She had the nerve to tell me back in my face my husband was the one who told her to take her time! So I call him and he told her off on the phone for intentionally trying to make our relationship sour (not the first time), she was shocked I would have the guts to call him. Why wouldn’t I? I’m his wife!

    Upon sending her back, I remembered the diary. I told her to tear off all pages that contained names of my family (instructed by hubby). She denied. So I grabbed the book and tore off the pages. After she was gone, I had time to read them. And, as much as you won’t believe,nthose were spells, to make my daughter listen and obey her, and to make my husband fall in love with her. I also checked the hp I gave her, and I called every single number, all Bangladeshi guys. My neighbour confessed to me she has been telling her maid a lot of untruths about me. The one that hurts the most was that she claimed I was starving her. My house always has food. And I told her without fail everyday if she’s hungry, she can help herself. Instead, she makes herself out to be a beggar, begging my neighbours for bread, rice because I starve her? Then when my neighbour questioned her, she said she didn’t dare eat food I cooked because I cook pork. And she based that assumption on the fact that I am Chinese. She chose to ignore the fact that I am Muslim. She also would always tell my 2 neighbour’s maids that my hubby is very handsome and she likes him. In fact, they told me she talked about him almost everytime and everyday and about her “falling in love” with my hubby.

    So tell me, am I a monster to have sent her away? After all the humiliation, stress, depression she put me and the pain she put my family through?

  • http://kirstenhan.me/ kixes

     @keshiakoh Of course, there is always the potential to get an employee that does not work well, or you cannot get along with. And if there are serious problems the employer is within his/her rights to dismiss the employee. But it still does’t make it okay for people to treat their helpers like property that they own and to dictate their every move.
     
    If the worker mistreats your child, that’s one thing. But dismissing them just because you don’t like what they do on their day off, or what they wear, or things that they do on their own time is another. It’s not okay to treat other human beings as if you own them. These are people, not refrigerators.